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Frequently Asked Questions
About how a child:
- learns
- sets goals
- studies
- organizes
- memorizes
- uses his/ her time
- takes tests
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Q. I have two children who go about their schoolwork totally differently----different times, different places, different ways..… What is the right way? Is there one?
A. There really isn’t just one right way—it is the way that is right for each child. So, how do you know if it is indeed right for your child? Look at the end result. If your child is achieving the end result he / she is capable of, then it is right for him / her. If not, then examine what, if anything, is working, what isn’t and what needs to change. A one size that fits all children---really doesn’t.
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Q. My son just gets by—for him it is always “good enough”. He just doesn’t see the need to do any more than that. What can we do?
A. That is it right there—he doesn’t see the need. First rule out any other issues: physical such as eyesight, hearing, thyroid; emotional such as depression; social such as bullying; and educational such as an undetected learning disability. If he has never experienced success, no matter what he did, then he can develop the “why bother” attitude.
Once all of that has been ruled out, then you need to help him see a need. He needs to see a reason to achieve—an incentive. I am not talking about external motivation where you give him a reward for accomplishing something. Although that may work in the short run, it is counter productive and doesn’t really inspire your son to want to do something on his own. I am talking about self motivation.
Discover your son’s trigger—what does he truly enjoy, what is he good at? Incorporate that into goals and tie school into it. So, if he enjoys and is good at computer / video games, investigate what that could lead to, what are the requirements for getting there (goals) and what he could do to meet those requirements (action steps). Make those goals visible by displaying them on a bulletin board, an applicable poster, a screensaver, even a song. Acknowledge and showcase every accomplishment in the right direction. If necessary gently redirect if he gets off course with a simple “Is what you are doing going to help you achieve your goal?”
Live some part of the goal now, by having your son start a small business, volunteer in some related field, take a special course----do anything at all that will bring the goal to life for him.
Once the need has been established, the desire to get there will come. |
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Or a concern about:
- fighting the schoolwork wars
- finding balance on the help tightrope
- motivating your child
- parent / teacher meetings
- educational parenting tips
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Q. My daughter is in Grade 6 and spends between three to four hours every night on her homework, at the end of which, she is in tears and I am frustrated. Help!!
A. First, check your Board’s and school’s policy on homework. Usually, there is an outline of an acceptable amount of time that students should be spending nightly on homework.
Next set up a meeting with the teacher and find out what her personal philosophy is on homework---is it whatever work hasn’t been completed in class, or is there specific work assigned to be done only at home. Then share your concern with the teacher, asking for her observations of your daughter’s work habits in class. Has the teacher noticed any difficulties with focusing or staying on the task at hand? Has your daughter asked for any assistance in understanding material that has been taught?
Then, before your daughter begins her schoolwork at night, have her tell you what she has to do. Assist her to prioritize her tasks and then before she begins each task have her explain to you what she is supposed to do, perhaps doing a few questions, to make sure she understands. Have her estimate how long she thinks the rest of the task should take and then check back with her when the time is up.
Does she understand the material? Is she using her time wisely? Is she focused? What exactly is distracting her? Once you know why it is taking so long, you can do something specific to help her help herself. |
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Q. My son hates school! It wasn’t too bad in the younger grades, however I noticed a change in Grade 7. Now, in Grade 9, it is much worse. What can I do?
A. Grade 7 and Grade 9 are transitions points, where the work is not only more challenging, there is simply more of it! Students are expected to be more independent and organized and take control of their own learning. This can be daunting for some.
“Hate” is a catchall word that students use that can mean…frustrated, overwhelmed, discouraged, bored, scared…….. Be a detective and pinpoint what exactly your son means when he says “hate”. Ask open-ended questions about his day—questions that he has to answer with more than a “yes” or “no”. Have him give you specific examples about what exactly he hates about school---this will be revealing. Go back over his old report cards and see if there was a common thread throughout them. Meet with his teachers and get their input.
When you get to the root of his feeling, you will be able to take the appropriate action. Perhaps the schoolwork is too overwhelming because he missed some concepts along the way or he has an undiagnosed learning disability. Perhaps the work is presented too quickly and he can’t keep up. Perhaps there is a social component. When a student doesn’t experience any success, he gives up and “hates” school.
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